There’s just so much happening all the time — not just in one place, not just in one country, but everywhere. And yet, I keep seeing this mindset that if something isn’t directly affecting you, it doesn’t matter. That you don’t have to care until it shows up on your doorstep. But that kind of thinking is so dangerous.
Because just because it’s not your sister or your neighbor doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Women being murdered, raped. Wars tearing through homes. Power being abused in broad daylight. You might not feel it immediately, but that doesn’t mean it’s not touching you. It’s showing us — all of us — that those in power can twist that power into something brutal. And if it can happen there, it can happen here. To anyone. At any time.
Honestly, the bare minimum — the absolute baseline of being a decent, thinking human being — is to care. To speak up. Not in some radical or illegal way, but in the ways we’re allowed to: by using our voice, by showing up, by not letting things slide just because they’re not “ours.”
I didn’t even realize how many people think “nothing ever happens” until I started stepping outside my usual circle. Going to formal debates, joining conversations that pushed me. It was eye-opening.
This whole topic means a lot to me, and I really felt what you wrote. The way you expressed it — it hit. Thank you for putting it out there.
thank you so so much this comment means a lot. you really understand what i’m trying to say. and when you mentioned not speaking out in some illegal or radical way if just reminded me about really just the bare minimum. instead of letting people say ignorant things in a casual conversation, say no, voice your truth — your empathy. maybe then people will follow suit.
i HEAVILY agree with this. I've had this issue a lot where even when im around other black, queer people they just won't look homeless people in the eye or respond. like ?? at least have the guts to say "hey no i dont have anything im sorry" what the hell. i had not heard the "numb is in" quote and that is HAUNTING omg
it’s so disheartening because it’s basically assigning humanity based on wealth. even though everyone deserves humanity. and “numb is in”, although not directly related to politics, seeps into our social spaces and causes us to act in this apathetic way :(
Absolutely. People becoming willfully numb because it doesn't affect them is going to get the better of us, as a society. You have to care long about things before there is a direct impact on your life. If it would feel unjust if it happened to you, you have to care when it's unjust to someone else. If you can't have compassion for people suffering in their unique circumstances, check yourself! Many people are hoping we'll get overwhelmed and complacent. I hope they are proven wrong! Thanks for this, Fey!
the rise of this apathetic attitude has been so alarming to me! esp because a lot of the memes stem from *chan memes. staying empathetic is so important rn!
amazing thought-provoking topic. there is so much happening in the world, not just on a global scale, but in our network of friends, family, and coworkers. people are getting married. people are getting divorced. people are moving across the country. people are struggling to find a new job or pay their rent. people are fighting for their mental health. people are taking care of their ailing parents. i think one problem that feeds into feeling disconnected and not realizing how much is going on is how chronically online people are nowadays. if we just take the time to talk to a neighbor, a friend, a coworker during a coffee break, and really listen to them, we'll see everyone is facing something. sometimes people need a direct link like this to remember to always be kind.
this is so so important !! there are constantly things happening in this ever awful world and i love the point you made about looking beyond our own bubble and the endless cycles characterising our routines to recognise how those affected struggle with these constant occurrences. thank you for sharing 🤍
I’ve been thinking a lot about this numbness you speak of — how it masks itself as apathy but is often deep overwhelm, especially for those of us who do feel. Like feel feel. Your point about “nothing ever happens” being a privileged detachment hit hard. I love pieces of writing like this that make me check myself and question what I'm doing to help my community and women around me.
I’m just coming back into public spaces after a long time away, and part of my return is about rebuilding empathy and community, rebuilding bridges — for myself, others, the planet. Your piece reminded me why that work is so necessary. Thank you for this and keep up the great work!
thank you so much! also thank you for highlighting the fact that numbness comes from deep overwhelm, but at the same time we shouldn’t let that numbness become apathy and/or detachment 🫶🏾
Completely agree! It would be interesting to hear about how to keep that from happening and to know how to recognize when it starts to become apathy/detachment. It's like one day you feel then one day you stop...where's the in-between?
Thanks for replying! Looking forward to more writings from you!
weirdly enough i feel like now more than ever more of the people around me are being personally affected by what's going on in the world, which is making everyone much more empathetic than they were before. of course it's bc the circumstances are awful right now, like you said, it would be very rare to not be affected right now, but i guess it's bittersweet to see now? those of us who were always affected by these things can maybe feel a little less alone. wonderful & very important piece fey!! <333
that notion has no credibility in my eyes. how can one think "nothing ever happens" when the world has been turned upside down in the last couple of years.
'nothing ever happens' is a copout for the disconnected.
the world's burning but they want dopamine over disruption.
this piece cut through the fog.
very humanizing.
solid post.
such a good point about the dopamine. i think the short attention span definitely has contributed to this attitude
There’s just so much happening all the time — not just in one place, not just in one country, but everywhere. And yet, I keep seeing this mindset that if something isn’t directly affecting you, it doesn’t matter. That you don’t have to care until it shows up on your doorstep. But that kind of thinking is so dangerous.
Because just because it’s not your sister or your neighbor doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Women being murdered, raped. Wars tearing through homes. Power being abused in broad daylight. You might not feel it immediately, but that doesn’t mean it’s not touching you. It’s showing us — all of us — that those in power can twist that power into something brutal. And if it can happen there, it can happen here. To anyone. At any time.
Honestly, the bare minimum — the absolute baseline of being a decent, thinking human being — is to care. To speak up. Not in some radical or illegal way, but in the ways we’re allowed to: by using our voice, by showing up, by not letting things slide just because they’re not “ours.”
I didn’t even realize how many people think “nothing ever happens” until I started stepping outside my usual circle. Going to formal debates, joining conversations that pushed me. It was eye-opening.
This whole topic means a lot to me, and I really felt what you wrote. The way you expressed it — it hit. Thank you for putting it out there.
thank you so so much this comment means a lot. you really understand what i’m trying to say. and when you mentioned not speaking out in some illegal or radical way if just reminded me about really just the bare minimum. instead of letting people say ignorant things in a casual conversation, say no, voice your truth — your empathy. maybe then people will follow suit.
thank you so much for this
this phrase boilsss my blood, specifically when it's applied to current american politics
thank YOU for reading ❤️ and yes, it really is such a disheartening phrase to hear.
i HEAVILY agree with this. I've had this issue a lot where even when im around other black, queer people they just won't look homeless people in the eye or respond. like ?? at least have the guts to say "hey no i dont have anything im sorry" what the hell. i had not heard the "numb is in" quote and that is HAUNTING omg
it’s so disheartening because it’s basically assigning humanity based on wealth. even though everyone deserves humanity. and “numb is in”, although not directly related to politics, seeps into our social spaces and causes us to act in this apathetic way :(
Absolutely. People becoming willfully numb because it doesn't affect them is going to get the better of us, as a society. You have to care long about things before there is a direct impact on your life. If it would feel unjust if it happened to you, you have to care when it's unjust to someone else. If you can't have compassion for people suffering in their unique circumstances, check yourself! Many people are hoping we'll get overwhelmed and complacent. I hope they are proven wrong! Thanks for this, Fey!
no problem! i hope so too!
Great post. Love the dive into this nothing ever happens idea and bringing it back to connection and empathy.
https://sotellmeaboutit.substack.com/p/fever-dreaming?r=54foma&utm_medium=ios
the rise of this apathetic attitude has been so alarming to me! esp because a lot of the memes stem from *chan memes. staying empathetic is so important rn!
yes it’s quite scary to see the lack of empathy. we really just have to try our best not be become numb.
Some of the advice I got for the times we are in is not to become cynical or numb...quiet fitting advice
very fitting!
A very deep post!
Everything "humanity" is losing its place in the world.
amazing thought-provoking topic. there is so much happening in the world, not just on a global scale, but in our network of friends, family, and coworkers. people are getting married. people are getting divorced. people are moving across the country. people are struggling to find a new job or pay their rent. people are fighting for their mental health. people are taking care of their ailing parents. i think one problem that feeds into feeling disconnected and not realizing how much is going on is how chronically online people are nowadays. if we just take the time to talk to a neighbor, a friend, a coworker during a coffee break, and really listen to them, we'll see everyone is facing something. sometimes people need a direct link like this to remember to always be kind.
such a beautiful takeaway. thanks for sharing your perspective !
this is so so important !! there are constantly things happening in this ever awful world and i love the point you made about looking beyond our own bubble and the endless cycles characterising our routines to recognise how those affected struggle with these constant occurrences. thank you for sharing 🤍
no problem! thank you for reading 💕
I’ve been thinking a lot about this numbness you speak of — how it masks itself as apathy but is often deep overwhelm, especially for those of us who do feel. Like feel feel. Your point about “nothing ever happens” being a privileged detachment hit hard. I love pieces of writing like this that make me check myself and question what I'm doing to help my community and women around me.
I’m just coming back into public spaces after a long time away, and part of my return is about rebuilding empathy and community, rebuilding bridges — for myself, others, the planet. Your piece reminded me why that work is so necessary. Thank you for this and keep up the great work!
xoxo
thank you so much! also thank you for highlighting the fact that numbness comes from deep overwhelm, but at the same time we shouldn’t let that numbness become apathy and/or detachment 🫶🏾
Completely agree! It would be interesting to hear about how to keep that from happening and to know how to recognize when it starts to become apathy/detachment. It's like one day you feel then one day you stop...where's the in-between?
Thanks for replying! Looking forward to more writings from you!
thank you! that’s truly an amazing question. that might’ve even inspired my next post 😆
If ya need any insights or quotes 😉 look forward to the next piece!
People have become too comfortable with ignoring anything that doesn't affect them directly. Numbness will be the downfall of humanity.
weirdly enough i feel like now more than ever more of the people around me are being personally affected by what's going on in the world, which is making everyone much more empathetic than they were before. of course it's bc the circumstances are awful right now, like you said, it would be very rare to not be affected right now, but i guess it's bittersweet to see now? those of us who were always affected by these things can maybe feel a little less alone. wonderful & very important piece fey!! <333
thank you! we are progressing but it’s the selfish way of thinking [nothing ever happens] that’s hindering that progress.
that notion has no credibility in my eyes. how can one think "nothing ever happens" when the world has been turned upside down in the last couple of years.
i know right. so much has infact happened.